Why are boundaries so tricky?

We all desire to be liked in some capacity. Because of this, setting boundaries can sometimes feel really conflicting and uncomfortable. But, as Rev Will Van der Hart reminded us: "Being liked is not the mission."

The LC staff team had the privilege of attending the HTB South Conference at Basingstoke Church last Tuesday. We heard from Will as he spoke about the importance of healthy boundaries in both ministry and in our lives in general. He reminded us that boundaries are not barriers that keep people out, but gifts that help us steward what God has entrusted to us. Love and trust grows when we set good boundaries.

A particularly helpful part of the session was his explanation of independence, co-dependence, and interdependence. He suggested that while our culture often celebrates self-sufficiency, this is not the biblical ideal. Equally, co-dependence can lead us to take responsibility for things that belong to others, leaving us carrying burdens we were never meant to bear.

Instead, Will encouraged us towards interdependence: a Jesus-centred balance between self-preservation and over-responsibility. It means recognising our need for God and for one another, while having the courage to say "yes" when God invites us in and "no" when something is not ours to carry. This enables us to care for others without becoming responsible for them.

Galatians 6:2–5:

"Carry each other's burdens..." (v.2) "...for each one should carry their own load." (v.5)

Will reminded us that every "yes" has a cost. Healthy boundaries help us discern what God is asking of us and prevent distraction, burnout, or our efforts from being diluted.

Also, remember that God does not say "yes" to everything!

Jesus Himself modelled healthy boundaries throughout His ministry. He regularly withdrew from the crowds to pray, even when there were still people waiting to be healed. He was deeply compassionate, but He was never driven by the demands of others.

In Mark 1:35–38, after a day of healing and ministry:

"Everyone is looking for you!" they exclaimed. Jesus replied, "Let us go somewhere else, to the nearby villages, so I can preach there also. That is why I have come."

We left with a renewed appreciation for the role boundaries play in healthy discipleship. Let's serve from a place of peace rather than pressure.